Milton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners
Milton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners
One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes ("The most comprehensive storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world"--Los Angeles Magazine) to present the most astounding array of one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags ever published. Line drawings.
- ASIN: 0517587165
- ISBN: 9780517587164
- Manufacturer: Three Rivers Press
The Best One Liners
The Best One Liners
Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening to youMy math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed testsButterflies aren't what they used to beFreak out your neighbors. Name your wifi "FBI Surveillance Van"How long do you have to work at KFC before they make you a colonel
- ASIN: B00D5FOVZM
WE'RE ALL A MESS, IT'S OK: A COLLECTION OF FUNNY ESSAYS AND ONE-LINERS ABOUT THE STRUGGLES OF EVERYDAY LIFE
WE'RE ALL A MESS, IT'S OK: A COLLECTION OF FUNNY ESSAYS AND ONE-LINERS ABOUT THE STRUGGLES OF EVERYDAY LIFE
The number one best-selling author of "The Amy Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle Book Of Failures" brings you her newest gem, "We're All A Mess. It's OK." Over one hundred contributors share their failures, setbacks and most embarrassing moments for this compilation of hilarity with the hopes that their stories would give the embarrassed and struggling souls some comic and inspirational relief.Life is riddled with pain, disappointments, and failures, but given enough time, they're folly. "We're All A Mess. It's OK" captures life's most absurd moments honestly and without a filter. It's filled with funny essays and one-liners that highlight the grainier sides of being human and imperfect.The book covers everything from horrible internet dating experiences, the strangest of co-workers, vacations that went array, to the worst holiday gifts of all time. It's an anthology of real-life disasters.You'll enjoy comedian/actor Kim Banta's tale, "My First Date and a Sluggish Toilet," detailing a first date in the nicest home in town, ending with an overflowing toilet and panicked placement of poo into her purse.And... "You Must Have Me Confused With Someone Else" depicts Dane Levent's severe behavior problems with her golden retriever, Buddy, after picking him up from boarding, only to find out a week later that she had the wrong dog.And... "He's Worth the Wait" by Bes. D describes her mother-in-law's long-term relationship with a convicted felon she had met on Meet-An-Inmate.com. And... "Saying ‘I'm Sorry' Will Not Fix This Situation" by Ashley P. is a hilarious tale of turning her best date into her worst date by leaping onto her partner's lap, causing what is called in medical terminology, a penile fracture. And... Follow along with Traci Jo's daily embarrassment by her mother, picking her up from school wearing different wigs, such as Dorothy Hamill and Marilyn Monroe.And... Read an entire chapter dedicated to strange conditions, such as Shelley Miner Gardler's need to gather her pets... [Read More]
- ASIN: 0998968412
- ISBN: 0998968412
- Manufacturer: Amy Lyle
One Line A Day: A Five-Year Memory Book (5 Year Journal, Daily Journal, Yearly Journal, Memory Journal)
One Line A Day: A Five-Year Memory Book (5 Year Journal, Daily Journal, Yearly Journal, Memory Journal)
Revisit thoughts and memories with a 5-year journal and memory bookThis classic memory-keeper is the perfect way to track the ups and downs of life, day by day.More than a daily diary or journal: For those daunted by the idea of keeping a journal or diary, the simple commitment of just One Line a Day is manageable for everyone. Each page of the journal includes an entry for five successive years, allowing users to revisit previous thoughts on a specific day of the year over the span of five years, and reflect on change and progress.Use the One Line a Day 5-year journal format to provide an insightful snapshot of your thoughts, memories, change, and progress on each of the 365 days of the yearSee patterns emerge as important events like anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays come and goAs the pages fill, you'll discover happy coincidences and have a chance to relive forgotten momentsA valuable alternative to the 5-minute journal format, One Line a Day will appeal to those new to the journaling habit and seasoned journalers alike.A great way to begin the day or to put down a final thought before falling asleep at nightDurable and elegantly designed with a ribbon for easily opening to the right pageMakes a great graduation or milestone birthday gift, or for someone starting on a new journey in lifeKeepsake diary will enhance the appreciation of life and be a treasure for years to come
- ASIN: 0811870197
- ISBN: 0811870197
- Brand: Chronicle Books Staff
- Manufacturer: Chronicle Books
Joker Face: Over 450 Comedians Share Their Best One-liners
Joker Face: Over 450 Comedians Share Their Best One-liners
Stewart Lee has seen a ghost but doesn’t believe in the afterlife. Rob Beckett can peel a banana with his feet. Viv Groskop gave birth to a baby next to a dishwasher.What do you get when you combine unknown facts about some of Britain’s best-loved comedians with their favorite one-liners and candid, black-and-white portraits? The result is Joker Face, a hilarious record of the British comedy scene from comedian Steve Best, a 20-year veteran of the comedy circuit.In this book – a companion to the 2014 book Comedy Snapshot – Best paints an intimate and very funny portrait of some of our favourites: Jimmy Carr, Rob Delaney, Sarah Pascoe, Stewart Lee, John Bishop, Mackenzie Crook, Josie Lawrence, Mark Watson, Tommy Tiernan, Phill Jupitus, and many, many more.Joker Face is an essential book for any fan of British humor and gives us a backstage pass into the world of comedy.
- ASIN: 1783523387
- ISBN: 1783523387
- Manufacturer: Random House UK
Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners
Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?Better yet, do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of THOUSANDS OF JOKES and alphabetically organized into hundreds of topics from ACCOUNTANTS TO ZEBRAS, this book offers you a massive collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone LAUGHING OUT LOUD.•Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He finally decided to stick it out for one more year! •A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”•Where do you get virgin wool from? An ugly sheep!•What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? ”Oh look! Donut seeds!•The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines―it’s believed to have been the work of organized crime.
- ASIN: 1569756228
- ISBN: 1569756228
- Brand: Arnott, Stephen/ Haskins, Mike
- Manufacturer: Ulysses Press
Cold Days (The Dresden Files, Book 14)
Cold Days (The Dresden Files, Book 14)
After a brief interlude in the afterlife, Harry Dresden’s new job makes him wonder if death was really all that bad in this novel in the #1 New York Times bestselling series. Harry Dresden is no longer Chicago’s only professional wizard. Now, he’s Winter Knight to Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness. Her word is his command. And her first command is the seemingly impossible: kill an immortal. Worse still, there is a growing threat to an unfathomable source of magic that could mean the deaths of millions. Beset by enemies new and old, Harry must gather his friends and allies, prevent an apocalypse, and find a way out of his eternal subservience before his newfound infinite powers claim the only thing he has left to call his own... His soul.
- ASIN: B0090UOJAI
- Manufacturer: Roc
Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids
Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids
Over 1.5 million sold!USA TODAY bestseller!Wall Street Journal bestseller!What happens to race car drivers when they eat too much? They get indy-gestion. Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids provides children ages 7-10 many hours of fun and laughter. Young readers will have a blast sharing this collection of hundreds of one-liners, knock knock jokes, tongue twisters, and more with their friends and family! This mega-bestselling book will have children rolling on the floor with laughter and is sure to be a great gift idea for any child.
- ASIN: 0800788036
- ISBN: 0800788036
- Brand: Elliott, Rob
- Manufacturer: Revell
Stand-Up One-liners 2020 Day-to-Day Calendar: Today's Top Comedians Share Their Best One-liners
Stand-Up One-liners 2020 Day-to-Day Calendar: Today's Top Comedians Share Their Best One-liners
The Stand-up One-liners 2020 Calendar offers the best jokes and observations from top comedians in today’s stand-up scene. It’s like a backstage pass to your favorite comedy club. The calendars daily pages present one-liners or short jokes selected by the featured comedian as a personal favorite. These bite-size daily quips collected by comedian Steve Best shine a spotlight on a new comic voice every day and offer a peek into the minds of comedians and what cracks them up. It’s a fun assortment of hilarious insights from today’s comedy scene that is good for a laugh all year long.
- UPC: 050837425972
- ASIN: 1449499120
- ISBN: 1449499120
- Manufacturer: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Command Line Kung Fu: Bash Scripting Tricks, Linux Shell Programming Tips, and Bash One-liners
Command Line Kung Fu: Bash Scripting Tricks, Linux Shell Programming Tips, and Bash One-liners
Become a Linux Ninja with Command Line Kung Fu!Do you think you have to lock yourself in a basement reading cryptic man pages for months on end in order to have ninja like command line skills?In reality, if you had someone share their most powerful command line tips, tricks, and patterns you'd save yourself a lot of time and frustration. What if you could look over the shoulder of a good friend that just happened to be a command line guru? What if they not only showed you the commands they were using, but why they were using them and exactly how they worked? And what if that friend took the time to write all of it down so you can refer to it whenever you liked?Well, a friend did just that. Command Line Kung Fu is packed with dozens of tips and over 100 practical real-world examples. You won't find theoretical examples in this book. The examples demonstrate how to solve actual problems and accomplish worthwhile goals. The tactics are easy to find, too. Each chapter covers a specific topic and groups related tips and examples together. For example, if you need help extracting text from a file look in the "Text Processing and Manipulation" chapter. Also, a comprehensive index is included. If you want to find every example where a given command is used -- even if it's not the main subject of the tip -- look in the index. It will list every single place in the book where that command appears.Here is just some of what you will learn by reading Command Line Kung Fu:How to quickly and easily repeat commands in your shell historyShortcuts for grabbing specific words from your shell history to use in your current commandHow to save a copy of your command line session for later referenceHow to strip out blank lines and comments from filesHow to control colorized text when uses pipes and pagersWays to transform text: from changing case to substituting characters and moreHow to extract specific blocks of text from files or streams of inputA quick tip to fix common ty... [Read More]
- ASIN: B00JRGCFLA